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SSN 0710-3034 



SPECIAL ANACHRONISM ISSUE 



THE PIG PAPm<@#Z3 

©1985 PIG PRODUCTIONS, 70 Cotton Drive, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada L5G 1Z9 



Detroit Jtee 



Creem magazine closes, 
lays off staff members 



By GARY GRAFF and SANDY McCLURE 

Fre« Press Staff Writers 

Birmingham-based Creem maga- 
zine, which calls itself "America's 
Only Rock V Roll Magazine," sus- 
pended publication Monday and laid 
off its staff in preparation to be sold. 

Publisher Connie Kramer — wife of 
the late Barry Kramer, who founded 
the magazine in 1969 — said Creem 
had "suspended publication of the 
magazine in the midst of negotiations" 
with prospective buyers. 

Connie Kramer, her father, Harold 



Warren — who had provided financial 
backing after the 1981 death of Barry 
Kramer — and general manager 
George Agoglia announced the move at 
an 11 a.m. staff meeting Monday. The 
magazine's staff members were given 
two weeks' severance pay. 
• While the locks were changed on 
CYeem's Continental Building head- 
quarters Monday- afternoon, the 16- 
member staff- cleaned out desks and 



: BARRY KRAMER started Creem 
with $1,200 as a forum for aggressive 
young music writers. Working out of a 
run-down office in the Cass Corridor 
and paying its staffers as little as $15 a 
week — along with a place to sleep — 
Creem treated music with a freewheel- 
ing irreverence and hip wit that set it 
apart from competitors like Rolling 
Stone and Circus. 

Some of its alumni — such as Dave 
Marsh, the late Lester Bangs and Rob- 
ert Christgau — went on to become 
nationally respected music critics. 

By 1972, Creem had switched from 
tabloid to a conventional magazine 
format, had moved its offices to Walled 
Lake and was being distributed to 



drank white wine and whisky in an j newsstands across the country. By 
impromptu wake for the magazine. 1975, circulation was 150,000 with 
Local musicians dropped by the office advertising revenue of almost $1 mil- 
t6 offer their condolences. lion. 




FOUNDER 
BARRY KRAMER 

1943-1981 



speaking of FLO and EDDIE, the 
twosome have joined forces with 
DEAN TORRANCE {of JAN & 
DEAN) and developed a game 
which they're currently trying to 
sell. Supposedly, it's all about the 
real music business and shows how 
one could be top-pop star and still 
be in financial not water, plus re- 
vealing a score of possibilties for 
fame game or falling on your talent, 
face first. The game is called: "So 
You Want To Be A Rock' N* Roll 
Star." 



Florence Ballard, Former Singer With the 
World-Famous Supremes, Now on Welfare 

B r cyhthia Tivms mother of thrw told The EN- in two years and some gold 

Florence Ballard, a former I QU1RER in Detroit. j albums, too. I lived really weU. 

member of the world-famous f "I was an original member 1 1 had a diamond ring and lots 
Supremes. is singing a very j of Ui« Supremes along with . of fancy clothes, 
sad song these days — she's I "^ WiIs j"? "IP 1 * * , Ros3 - • "I drove a Cadillac. I bought 
w«™,» *~a «... *„U .».«;.« We started in 1957 and I was I » house 

£ on welfa^ P *H& the ^f P* "*• **?*- I left the group 

by on welfare- "Dunng that time we trav-tand r Iosl ever ythin g - the 

I used to be rich and la-leled around the world giving < house, the car the ring I 
mous with all the luxuries • concerts. And we were on ail - didn't ge t the money I thought 
money could buy, but now lithe big TV shows like Ed Sul-U wou id when I left the group 
live on welfare payments oflivan and Johnny Carson. 'and I soon went through the 
$95 a week." the 32-year-old t "We had eight goid records i money I had. 

"Then f just didn't have the 

cash to keep up the pavments. 

I had to sell them ail." 



JTOR-IN-CHIEF 
DiMARTINC 
NIOR EDITOR 
HOLDSHIP 
DCIATE EDITC 
^TK JOHNSON 
RIAL ASSISTA 
<IM GREEN 
ULTING EDITC 
SIMON FRITH 
ALENTINE, SI 
EDITOR/NEW 
LLY ALTMAN 







The drawing below is an artist's conception 
of Dr.Iguana. I\lo-one has actually seen him, 
least of all the artist. His ethereal spirit 
is known by a few, and these are the men who 
taught us all how to rock. 

Elvis knew him and scared his mother with 
talk of him. Jerry Lee met him and befriended 
him in Ferriday, and wanted his cousin Jimmy 
Swaggart to meet him. But the doctor had 
other appointments to make and ended up 
waving at Mickey Gilley on his way out of 
town. 

Gene Vincent helped Dr. Iguana put his 
luggage in an overhead rack when he met him 
on a bus. Later he made jokes about the 
doctor's tie. Buddy Holly met the doctor in 
Lubbock: he let Buddy slip 
into an Elvis show with- 
out paying... and on 
and on. 

The doctor's ex- 
ploits are only known 
through moments 
like those. Sight- 
ings of Dr. Iguana 
have been fewer 
and his impact more 
obscure in the 
7Q f s and 80's, but 
he's out there 
somewhere. 

And we'd 
like to 
find him. "THE QXToR 15 (M 






The downcast singer added 
an even sadder note: 

"Now I live in poverty," she 
confessed. "Believe me. keep- 
ing a family on $95 a week is 
hard. 

"I have been on welfare 
since 1973 — that's when my 
husband and I separated after 
we'd been married for five, 
years. 

"I have three children and 
live with them in a rented 
house which has two apart- 
ments. 

"My mother lives in the 
apartment upstairs. 

"I spend ail my time taking 
care of the kids and watching 
TV. 

"I haven't been doing any 
singing. I plan to go hack to 
singing — but I just haven't 
had the right offer yet," she 



IBUTING EDIT 
MICHAEL DA 
MONDS, JIM 
\ FISSINGER, 
fOBERT A. HU 
II MARCUS; 
EY MORGAN, 
JEL, LISA ROE 
k ROSE, GENE 
SCHES, GREG 
, RICHARD C. 



PHOTO OIREC 
RLES AURINGI 
ECTOR/PRODU 
INY CARTMEL 
ATE ART DIRE' 
MHY KELLEY 

;n consulta 
. branotner 
art staff 
cusick, jean 



In hW 



Issues 



a PHOTOGRA 

>MITH/LGI, EB 

[ROBERT MATK 

'PAUL NATKir 

tlNG PHOTOGI 

IE CSILLAG 

IRAD ELTERMJ 

IRA LEVINE, J 

IAVID McGOl 

'MAN, ANAS 

' NEAL PREST 

ND/RETNA, 

STAR FILE, 

S WESCHU 

UK, NEIL Z 




er Be * n 



TING ARTI 
9TNER, RC 
GRIMSHl 
<4, BOB V\ 



SHER 

KRAMER 

\ANAG£ 

SIEGEL 
MJBUSH 

UPPKE 




in FfMaMt 

^w« WAt£A Pomo tewew 
"AvC Vckuork 



I wrote a column praising San Francisco pornography scene. I feel 
that pornography is basically a healthy medium. However there are 
many people who disagree with this philosophy. Just last week I was 
kicking back in my plush downtown office, working on my latest 
X-rated story, when suddenly this strange man came bursting into the 
room. He was disheveled and perspiring heavily. He said that he had 
come to warn me of "the dangers of pornography." He then sat down 
and proceeded to tell me this terrifying story. 

Confessions of a Pornoholic 

"It all started innocently enough when I was a kid. I used to sneak 
off with the National Geographies and ogle the bare breasted African 
women as they chug-a-lugged around the campiire. From there I 
graduated to stealing the Playboys from my father's desk. But it wasn't 
until Penthouse went 'pubic* that I realized that I was getting into the 
hard stuff! 

"But even that wasn't enough to satisfy my sexual cravings. It wasn't 
long before I was mainlining on "Open Beaver" magazines! 

"It was about this time that I realized that I was becoming addicted 
to pornography. Gradually my whole life began to fall apart because of 
my addiction. I lost my job and my family because every penny that I 
got I spent on sex magazines. I had to turn to a life of crime to support 
my habit. , 

"I ended up moving fnto San Francisco's Tenderloin district, the 
sleaziest section in town; home of skid row winos, assorted casualties 
and dozens of porno shops. I was in my element! 

"I rented a cheap, cockroach-ridden hotel room above one of these 
porno shops. Pretty soon my habit had escalated to more than $50 a 
day. Man, I got just about every porno magazine that was printed: 
from Hustler to The Bondage Annual to The National Geographic (a 
sentimental favorite). I spent just about every waking minute hopping 
from one porno shop to the next, drawn like a fly to a lightbulb. And 
every day the mailman would deliver several more bundles of my 
subscriptions. Pretty soon my room got so crowded with magazines 
that I had to throw out the bed to make room for my ever-expanding 
X-rated library! 

"At nights I used to sleep on top of my stacks of magazines, gently 
fondling their hot little pages like a deranged Midas in a vault of 
Golden Showers! Sometimes I would lie there for hours, staring out 
my 'window at the porno shops below. 

"SEX MAGS! OPEN BEAVERS! PEEP SHOWS! beckoned the neon 
lights. And I would drift off to sleep on top of my heavenly cloud of 
pornography and feel that all was right with the world. 

"However, this euphoric high was short-lived. Gradually I realized 
that pornography was controlling my whole life! I spent every waking 
minute looking at pornography, thinking about pornography, or trying 
to score more pornography. I even began to dream about pornography! 

"Then one day the inevitable occurred. I fell in love with one of the 
porno models! She was a blonde-haired beauty, the featured attraction 
of Bottoms Up magazine, and I worshipped paper she was printed on. 
I was completely infatuated with her. I spent hours leafing through her 
glossy pages, staring at her open invitation. I even began to talk to her 
and make out with her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as I 
kissed her paper lips, and fondled her two-dimensional breasts. I 
wrote her love letters and recited her poetry. I cut out little paper 
clothes and had her perform stripteases. Man, I was hooked!- 

"This went on for many years until one day a social worker came by 
to see me. He was horrified by my emaciated figure and the depraved 
state of my room. So the men in white suits came and took my away to 
the hospital for what they called 'anti-pornography treatment.' 

"Let me tell you, the anti-pornography treatment was torture. First 
they locked me in a padded cell where I had to go cold turkey! Then 
they began pumping in this wholesome Muzak into the cell. For two 
months I heard nothing but Pat Boone, Lawrence Welk and Donny and 
Marie records. 

"Next they forced me Clockwork-Orange style to watch thousands of 
Jiours of wholesome movies. For weeks at a time 1 was strapped in a 
chair and forced to watch Walt Disney, Doris Day, Lassie, and re-runs 
jof My Three Sons. Cringe! Cringe! 

"But the worst part was that the only magazines they would allow 
me to read were Popular Mechanics, Readers Digest, and The Bowlers 
Journal 

''Gradually all this G-rated wholesomeness began to wash the 
pornographic poison out of my system. Yes, thanks to the 
Anti-Pornography Treatment I've kicked my habit! In fact, I'm no 
longer the least bit aroused by pictures of naked women. 

"The only problem is that now I'm only aroused by pictures of Julie 
Nixon-EisenhovyerV 




Three Newer Before Published 



FULL COLOR Photos of the King 

Hang them on your wail or stand them on your desk or anywhere you want to I» ^ 

show off these beautiful FULL COLOR photos that can now be yours. 

Only S4.98 plus $1.00 for postage and handling. BLYI8 PRESLEY 



(Special Photo Display 0«4l»n} j 







CONFESSIONS OP 
AN KX-LOVKI) ONE 



ED f BRYAN 
Bass, Backing Vocals, and Strategic Collapsing 
Feb. 5 - Apr. 24, f 82 
PART ONE 

Things have gone well for me since I last saw yoiu 
I am now more active in music that I ever have 
been. Let me fill you in on what has been happen- 
ing since The Loved Ones. 

About six months after we parted I became a 
member of a band called Toxic Era. This was the 
start of a crazy period of my life. Toxic Era was 
a band that had a very harsh, droning, but 
melodic psychedelic sound. I liked the band at 
the time but the sound lacked a certain energy 
level, when we played our one show the only song 
that I and some others felt went over with ANY 
energy was "I Wanna Be Your Dog". To make matters 
worse it was our only cover. 

It was -during this period that I got into 
smoking alot of pot and drinking like a fish. A 
small fish, though. Then one time at my guitarist 
James 1 house I took acid and transformed into Ed 
! Bryan: Psychedelic Guru. I know that you 
warned me of this Gary when you caught me at 
practice with caffeine tabs. I was so naive not 
to know that Vivvy-Uoo leads to bigger things. 
Well, I started to hang out with James more and 
more. We swam an endless sea of drugs. But in my 
book LSD was the Number One High. I was into 
taking acid whenever I could get it. Fortunately 
I could only get it sporadically. 

Once when James and I went out to this park 
in the middle of the Anaheim Hills! The park was 
set in a rather out of the way spot. So to avoid 
the rangers we would go one or two miles up an 
old fire road, cut across an open field, then, 
using an animal trail I had found, cut around the 
back of a hill. There we found a flat ledge of 
sand stone surrounded by cactus and shrub. I know 
this sounds like a Fabulous Furry Freak Bros, 
comic, but please bear with me. Well, this is the 
spot where we usually would smoke out. But this 
time we got to the park a little late, so the 
only place we could go was behind this dam up a 
canyon. We thought this would be safer because it 
was only half a mile from the parking lot. So we 
went and did our thing man, and like got really 
blazed you know? Before you could say Sam Hill 
it was black as a lump of coal out. We decided it 
would be a good idea to head back. At one point 
on the homeward journey we had to cross over the 
aforementioned dam. In doing so I lost my footing 
and fell twenty feet and landed flat on my ass. I 
was completely unhurt; a sober man would have 
died (never mind that a sober man would not have 
fallen, much less gone dam-climbing in the dead 
of night). This fortunately ended my marijuana- 
influenced night-time excursions. I would go in 
the day time. 

Soon after this we played the show I told you 
about previously. It was during this show that I 
forever ruined myself insofar as Cool went in 
Orange County, California. Thinking that since I 
had the most background job in the band, I 
decided to leave at least a visual impact on the 
audience. In preparation for the show I assembled 
the most optically powerful outfit that I could. 
First, the shirt: Nothing turns the stomach of a 
Calif ornian worse than a Mickey Mouse shirt. 
Nothing, that is, than a dirty, electric urine- 
coloured Mickey Mouse shirt. I wasn f t there to 
pick up groupies Jack, that f s for sure! Well, I 



m ' and !mjite»m never be the 



£3 \TO HUCH MKCNTA J 
O 



/«! 



/S*fi»8«SSfc 

IE** touting to to* J}J*F toitJel 

I fell to the floor avL hun a/ '<* he I 
I ** been cCg4t?thT ol « «*% I 
lemmings Si 1? ***"& f 



ft 



WOLFMAN JACKSON POLLOCK 

thought Why just stop with a dumb shit shirt! 
This was an arty crowd, so why not give the 
fuckers some damn culture. Hey, am I right or I 
what?! I would make this my Jackson Pollock 
designer rock'n'roll outfit! -I took a pair of | 
camel colour hippie jeans and sewed zippers in 
the cuffs to make them straight-legs. Then 
splatter-painted the fronts with the most 
disgusting choice of hues known to man. A two- 
inch-wide white belt, for no other purpose than 
bad taste. Of course slam boots too, for that 
element of the audience that likes to attack you 
for dressing in such a repulsive way. Then the 
leather jacket: brown and of the Easy Rider ilk, 
hippie-fringe and all. BUT... would Jackson be 
happy with merely pants in his honor? HELL NO! 
A quick spray paint job on the back and \/0ILA, 
the masterpiece was nearly finished. All that 
remained was to peroxide my hair to a burnt-out 
orange and throw in some Brylcreem mixed with 
red food dye. I looked weird enough to out- 
weird Captain Beef heart, Wild Man Fischer and 
Charles Manson at one of Ken KeseyVs Acid Tests. 

As it turned out, most people were too 
repulsed to comment. Ah, but What The Hell... 
it was fun. 

Soon after that I was dropped from the band. 
Wonder why? / 



Slip of tongue 
30-year mistake 

OKLAHOMA QW (UPO- 
Denaia Newton was on trud 
for the armed rooDery on » 
SnvSuence store J. **g 

court this week when he aeci 
deSto fire his lawyer and act 

as his own attorney. 

District Judge James L. 
GuUeU agreed, ■£-■£* 
District Attorney kg* *jgj 
said Newtoir, 47, did & fair 
Sb up ^til the time the 
J m anag P er of the store testified 
he was the robber. . 

Newton jumped up, accused 
the woman of lying and then 
satd '? should have b town 
your {expletive head off. 
y The defendant paused for a 
Jment, then quicklj r added, 
"If I'd been the one that was 

th n C took the jury 20 minutes 
Tuesday to convict Newton of 
2£F robbery and reconv 
mend he be given a 30-year 
sentence. 




»T*a foot fount! 

lon groundsel 

[<A e tooi71Ff& nt * tod them I 
J Saturday p53i k** then* *?- / 

[ported. y H b *d nqtfbll*! 



1 



BIG LOUD DRUMMER-x- 
OOA, Pointed Sticks, and 
Subhumans. Like to join 
working club band doing 50s 
& 60s rock-pop, C&W or 
Rockabilly. No punk rock. 
Call Dimwit: 689-5710. (815» 



\Diesini 
gravY, 



1 lievet? &cfg £> tut* lett fok? * ehte &<>/? «4: 

Atei»l %$*% to htll Wit** 




W^B^; h ^tchens ' 
sorter * ^JfSrfn 

01 a rCS ^ after he 
died yeswrday «^ ^ 

leU vnto a vat 

gravy- 28t fell 

u,to " .it«»red severe 

£&» 

v£ssT m 






ja£)99 

%£!!£%&** SBC***** 

?Jl tot*, i(K* i»?y«- a.ii**i..wf Wektt p«Ur. 

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